Today, I received news that surprisingly didnt shock me.. i gt an acquaintance friend who committed suicide. Haven seen him for many years, but he gave me the impression of someone cheerful and fun loving. Sigh.. I will probably be going to his wake and meanwhile catch up wif some of my friends whom i have lost touched with...
Why is life so fragile? People are under lots of stress today...relationships, finances, career, family.. I believe everyone, somehow or other have contemplated suicide...to be freed of such pressures in life. So have I, but i quickly pushed them away...probably i m afraid and more possibly i m looking forward to my future and embracing it with open arms. Though i wonder what's there to look forward to now...? No worries yea, I have zero intention of suicide...
My gut feeling is that it was caused by relationships, speaking of which...sadly, it's something i cant handle at all. As we are desensitized by the touching idol love dramas and wonderous movie couples, we continue to build great hopes in our relationships...of which very often do not meet our expectations. This is probably why 40% of graduate students over 30 remain unmarried ba. (nt so sure abt the accuracy of the statistics).
My vision of love is simple. Holding hands by the beach, confiding feelings with one another, even just talking on the phone exemplifies the emotions boiling within... Yet, feelings are just so illusive, so unpredictable, everchanging..that even I myself cannot comprehend this wierd thing called feeling... Is love possessive? Do you nid to possess the person you love? Is love replicative...do u nid someone to love you before you can love her back? What's love... Is missing or caring for someone love? Does hurting someone means you dun love her anymore? Does love means you can overlook the other person's flaws... I guess I no longer have the right to discuss this anymore... I am confused...
Received a msg today, really happy to see it that I dunno how to reply. Thanks.
Exams are round the corner...in the face of all these, it doesnt even seem impt anymore... I just wanna get it over with asap...still approximately 2 more months to go... sigh.. its gonna be difficult..
Haven't been writing down my thoughts recently..cos I am lazy and unmotivated ba. That's me! Wonder if anyone still visit here..or has it evolved into a hidden place for me to pour out my sorrows. Perhaps I could try to jot down some of my feelings before I lose them...before I wipe them out from my memories...
Lots had happened for the past week. I hurt a person who is so pure, so lovely, so devoted to me... Love is something that could not be quantify..but it really dawned on me that my feelings have been true, even till now, contrary to wat she had suggested. Have been thinking much of our memories and always, they brought tears to my eyes. =(
Although I have been worried and concern over her... I have decided not to msg/msn her even if it's hard to control (opening the chatbox & closing it many times: empty)...after all I would prefer to be left alone if I m her... But it really hurts that someone so close to me has become a stranger overnight... the promise of being bestest of frens will probably nvr materialise... Maybe if u chance upon this one day, you will know that i still care...
It kinda seems that my feelings are contradictory..yet i wonder why this is so.. Feelings and love have been true.. yet i chose to disrupt them... Maybe subconsciously I believe that this won't work out ba. Hmm, wonder who really controls my subconscious? I guess it wont be easy for us... but I wouldn't want to hurt her anymore. It also hurts tat she immediately move her blog after knowing that i read them.. when tat's the only way I can update myself on her life.. Afterall, she's the real victim.. I shouldn't even complain yea.. Sorry! Thx for yr last posting..if it was meant for me.. It had been a wonderful journey, even when the end hurts so much...
Had a chat with a mutual friend... she said something that touched my innermost feelings... feelings that I was unable to explore or understand.. Yet, it will continue to remain so... because I will never find out.. or I guess i never will...
Take care yea.. I believe time will slowly erase yr memories of me...till one day it doesnt exist anymore... I also believe that real love will soon descend upon you... cos you deserved it more than me...
My feelings are still mixed and persplexed... Hope they will subside soon...leaving behind beautiful receding waves and precious debris.. I believe...
"There can be miracles, when you believe.."
树欲静而风不止，心欲平而浪不息。。。
Hmm, exams... a word that immediately strikes fear into the hearts of thousands of innocent young people out there such as me & you. Put in a nice way, it's a time for the educators to gauge how much you have successfully picked up from them. Put cruelly, its simply a way to evaluate yr understanding and intelligence.
Reflecting back, I have never been a top performer in studies. Never in pri sch, with such a dedicated & caring teacher. (those in marists should know who). Neither in DHS where I had the most fun as a student (wonder whether the clique still remembers me...)
Oki, at least Weiming is still one of my NTU gd frens. Reaching the end of the education path, it seems that all is not so important after all. As & Cs go forgotten after a while, its the memories, the friends, the pain & suffering that will bring back everlasting smiles in years to come. This is what i really cherish indeed...
3 months into a relationship I never knew could possibly exist... I start to miss her terribly this few weeks... Its a feeling that scratches the deep nerves of the heart, sorrowful, deeply etched yet could be overcome so easily & simply...with her voice, her presence... Is this feeling temporary due to the stress from exams? Hopefully nt... cos she's really a wonderful, beautiful (in my eyes) and super lazy gal, just like me. ^,^
I just wanna remember this moment, where my entire mind is filled with the images of this incorrigible & evil gal that stole my heart one day and never did return it.
"You don't have to steal it, it has already been given to you..."
This is a story that I kup-pod from dar's fren's blog... Really relates deeply to how I
feel sometimes.. SO hear goes, sharing with those who still bother to check on my blog that is seldomly updated. Cheers...
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."
This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.
Moral of the story? Don't, under any circumstances donate yr eyes to yr gf...
Haha..just joking..before u do anything...do put yrself in the other person's shoes...think again before you say something that might really hurt others. Sigh..
life's is nt easy...
There are things that I have always wanted to remember, yet many of them go forgotten unknowingly. Here, I embark on a endless pursuit to jot down my little memories in this endless domain called the web...
Sunday was a day that brings back sweet memories, memories that I would never want to forget. My journey to the giraffe feels as if i was on my way to Africa...to somewhere so far and uncertain. But i didn't board the plane..the vast distance was simply covered by train admist the little bit of courage I still possess.
We walked ard PS for a while..glancing @ the boutique displays as she tries to find her off-the-shoulder shirt.. Mountain turtle finally knows what a off-the-shoulder shirt is le! Thank you Sz..! haha.. Dinner @ giraffe was an experience unlike any other. I chose it becos i was attracted to its glassy design and spongy sofa! Sorry I lied, it's nt the spiciest restaurant in sg serving extremely spicy food. Haha, it does pay to lie >> i gt my deserts later on when i lost a bet of 3 wishes. (Why on earth do they display giraffes figurines in the restaurant? =b)LOL, xiaopengyoumen, mus learn from my mistake..never tell lies orh..grinz..
Food was "interesting". I ordered "XxxX", actually i forgot wat it's called.^^.On hindsight, it looked like 2 piece of char siew that is exquisitely decorated wif brocolli and baked potato..Tastes great and surprisingly filling despite the small serving. I'm seldom particular about food. To me, it's the company that matters more. Had fun listening to her stories, laughing at her antics and smiling stupidly back.
Hope i didn't look 2 stupid smiling stupidly..grinz.. (To be continued...)
I remember the day you left, I hid in the toilet and weep. It's almost a year since I last saw you. Your smile, your care and your love will always be with me. I can still vividly remember your face as if it was yesterday. I miss the sound of your footsteps, miss your nagging and simply miss your presence..you will always be in my mind.
26th June
永远的回忆。。。
As the rain fell heavily against my feet, I wonder why the sky is weeping so terribly. My emotions effervescence with the rain drops, sometimes strong and vibrant, sometimes weak and faltering.. It seems that they are intertwined in an endless cycle of oscillation and time.
I leaned back and relax, closed my eyes and feel the softness of the eye lids. I arched forward and suppressed my feelings, locked my heart and separate the pulsing emotions.
But I failed... The emotions continue to engulf me within its grip, continue to burn me within its flames, continue to rip me apart within its mercy...
It hurts, but the pain is bearable. It trembles, but I remain firm on my feet. It despairs, but there still lies a trickle of hope within. Ploughing on, one day I will find the door to the other side of you, the portal of hope & happiness. One day...
If only it was today...
If tomorrow never comes...what will today be like?
Name: Teddy
Age: 23
School: NTU
bday: 9th August 1983
[[ The Wishlist ]]Catch Fireflies
New wand!
Murder the lecturer
New car
Learn Piano
Dye Hair Red
Audit Informatics Holdings Ltd
Thaddaeus
Zhunhong
Zhongyi-Ge
Xinyi
Zichun
Melissa
Da creater
[[ Don't talk crap, it's fucking rude ]]
Tagboard here.(Duh!)
Today, I received news that surprisingly didnt shock me.. i gt an acquaintance friend who committed suicide. Haven seen him for many years, but he gave me the impression of someone cheerful and fun loving. Sigh.. I will probably be going to his wake and meanwhile catch up wif some of my friends whom i have lost touched with...
Why is life so fragile? People are under lots of stress today...relationships, finances, career, family.. I believe everyone, somehow or other have contemplated suicide...to be freed of such pressures in life. So have I, but i quickly pushed them away...probably i m afraid and more possibly i m looking forward to my future and embracing it with open arms. Though i wonder what's there to look forward to now...? No worries yea, I have zero intention of suicide...
My gut feeling is that it was caused by relationships, speaking of which...sadly, it's something i cant handle at all. As we are desensitized by the touching idol love dramas and wonderous movie couples, we continue to build great hopes in our relationships...of which very often do not meet our expectations. This is probably why 40% of graduate students over 30 remain unmarried ba. (nt so sure abt the accuracy of the statistics).
My vision of love is simple. Holding hands by the beach, confiding feelings with one another, even just talking on the phone exemplifies the emotions boiling within... Yet, feelings are just so illusive, so unpredictable, everchanging..that even I myself cannot comprehend this wierd thing called feeling... Is love possessive? Do you nid to possess the person you love? Is love replicative...do u nid someone to love you before you can love her back? What's love... Is missing or caring for someone love? Does hurting someone means you dun love her anymore? Does love means you can overlook the other person's flaws... I guess I no longer have the right to discuss this anymore... I am confused...
Received a msg today, really happy to see it that I dunno how to reply. Thanks.
Exams are round the corner...in the face of all these, it doesnt even seem impt anymore... I just wanna get it over with asap...still approximately 2 more months to go... sigh.. its gonna be difficult..
Haven't been writing down my thoughts recently..cos I am lazy and unmotivated ba. That's me! Wonder if anyone still visit here..or has it evolved into a hidden place for me to pour out my sorrows. Perhaps I could try to jot down some of my feelings before I lose them...before I wipe them out from my memories...
Lots had happened for the past week. I hurt a person who is so pure, so lovely, so devoted to me... Love is something that could not be quantify..but it really dawned on me that my feelings have been true, even till now, contrary to wat she had suggested. Have been thinking much of our memories and always, they brought tears to my eyes. =(
Although I have been worried and concern over her... I have decided not to msg/msn her even if it's hard to control (opening the chatbox & closing it many times: empty)...after all I would prefer to be left alone if I m her... But it really hurts that someone so close to me has become a stranger overnight... the promise of being bestest of frens will probably nvr materialise... Maybe if u chance upon this one day, you will know that i still care...
It kinda seems that my feelings are contradictory..yet i wonder why this is so.. Feelings and love have been true.. yet i chose to disrupt them... Maybe subconsciously I believe that this won't work out ba. Hmm, wonder who really controls my subconscious? I guess it wont be easy for us... but I wouldn't want to hurt her anymore. It also hurts tat she immediately move her blog after knowing that i read them.. when tat's the only way I can update myself on her life.. Afterall, she's the real victim.. I shouldn't even complain yea.. Sorry! Thx for yr last posting..if it was meant for me.. It had been a wonderful journey, even when the end hurts so much...
Had a chat with a mutual friend... she said something that touched my innermost feelings... feelings that I was unable to explore or understand.. Yet, it will continue to remain so... because I will never find out.. or I guess i never will...
Take care yea.. I believe time will slowly erase yr memories of me...till one day it doesnt exist anymore... I also believe that real love will soon descend upon you... cos you deserved it more than me...
My feelings are still mixed and persplexed... Hope they will subside soon...leaving behind beautiful receding waves and precious debris.. I believe...
"There can be miracles, when you believe.."
树欲静而风不止，心欲平而浪不息。。。
Hmm, exams... a word that immediately strikes fear into the hearts of thousands of innocent young people out there such as me & you. Put in a nice way, it's a time for the educators to gauge how much you have successfully picked up from them. Put cruelly, its simply a way to evaluate yr understanding and intelligence.
Reflecting back, I have never been a top performer in studies. Never in pri sch, with such a dedicated & caring teacher. (those in marists should know who). Neither in DHS where I had the most fun as a student (wonder whether the clique still remembers me...)
Oki, at least Weiming is still one of my NTU gd frens. Reaching the end of the education path, it seems that all is not so important after all. As & Cs go forgotten after a while, its the memories, the friends, the pain & suffering that will bring back everlasting smiles in years to come. This is what i really cherish indeed...
3 months into a relationship I never knew could possibly exist... I start to miss her terribly this few weeks... Its a feeling that scratches the deep nerves of the heart, sorrowful, deeply etched yet could be overcome so easily & simply...with her voice, her presence... Is this feeling temporary due to the stress from exams? Hopefully nt... cos she's really a wonderful, beautiful (in my eyes) and super lazy gal, just like me. ^,^
I just wanna remember this moment, where my entire mind is filled with the images of this incorrigible & evil gal that stole my heart one day and never did return it.
"You don't have to steal it, it has already been given to you..."
This is a story that I kup-pod from dar's fren's blog... Really relates deeply to how I
feel sometimes.. SO hear goes, sharing with those who still bother to check on my blog that is seldomly updated. Cheers...
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."
This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.
Moral of the story? Don't, under any circumstances donate yr eyes to yr gf...
Haha..just joking..before u do anything...do put yrself in the other person's shoes...think again before you say something that might really hurt others. Sigh..
life's is nt easy...
There are things that I have always wanted to remember, yet many of them go forgotten unknowingly. Here, I embark on a endless pursuit to jot down my little memories in this endless domain called the web...
Sunday was a day that brings back sweet memories, memories that I would never want to forget. My journey to the giraffe feels as if i was on my way to Africa...to somewhere so far and uncertain. But i didn't board the plane..the vast distance was simply covered by train admist the little bit of courage I still possess.
We walked ard PS for a while..glancing @ the boutique displays as she tries to find her off-the-shoulder shirt.. Mountain turtle finally knows what a off-the-shoulder shirt is le! Thank you Sz..! haha.. Dinner @ giraffe was an experience unlike any other. I chose it becos i was attracted to its glassy design and spongy sofa! Sorry I lied, it's nt the spiciest restaurant in sg serving extremely spicy food. Haha, it does pay to lie >> i gt my deserts later on when i lost a bet of 3 wishes. (Why on earth do they display giraffes figurines in the restaurant? =b)LOL, xiaopengyoumen, mus learn from my mistake..never tell lies orh..grinz..
Food was "interesting". I ordered "XxxX", actually i forgot wat it's called.^^.On hindsight, it looked like 2 piece of char siew that is exquisitely decorated wif brocolli and baked potato..Tastes great and surprisingly filling despite the small serving. I'm seldom particular about food. To me, it's the company that matters more. Had fun listening to her stories, laughing at her antics and smiling stupidly back.
Hope i didn't look 2 stupid smiling stupidly..grinz.. (To be continued...)
I remember the day you left, I hid in the toilet and weep. It's almost a year since I last saw you. Your smile, your care and your love will always be with me. I can still vividly remember your face as if it was yesterday. I miss the sound of your footsteps, miss your nagging and simply miss your presence..you will always be in my mind.
26th June
永远的回忆。。。
As the rain fell heavily against my feet, I wonder why the sky is weeping so terribly. My emotions effervescence with the rain drops, sometimes strong and vibrant, sometimes weak and faltering.. It seems that they are intertwined in an endless cycle of oscillation and time.
I leaned back and relax, closed my eyes and feel the softness of the eye lids. I arched forward and suppressed my feelings, locked my heart and separate the pulsing emotions.
But I failed... The emotions continue to engulf me within its grip, continue to burn me within its flames, continue to rip me apart within its mercy...
It hurts, but the pain is bearable. It trembles, but I remain firm on my feet. It despairs, but there still lies a trickle of hope within. Ploughing on, one day I will find the door to the other side of you, the portal of hope & happiness. One day...
If only it was today...
If tomorrow never comes...what will today be like?